Hello. Yes, you read that correctly. Sometimes, people just need a way to vent, and this is my way. I am not interested in getting a divorce, but I do need an outlet, and it would be very nice to have some feedback sometimes, so I know I’m not crazy. My husband is very skilled in the art of convincing me that he is normal and I am just crazy, and it took me a very long time to figure this out.
Let me tell you about us. We first met about 12 years ago at work, when I was just 18. We knew each other for two years before we started going out, because during those two years, I was in another relationship. I wasn’t interested in him at the time because of his reputation for acting like a doofus. He had been arrested many times, not for anything really bad, but for stupid little things like beating up mail boxes and doing dumb things while drunk, and he loved to brag about these things. He was also very popular, especially in his home town, and I have always been the quiet, reserved type; the type who prefers to keep to myself. I don’t like being in a place where the whole town knows me (that makes me pretty uncomfortable). Anyway, he is four years older than me, but mentally, he is 15 years younger than me. We never had anything in common, aside from liking some of the same music (I say some, because we really don’t see eye to eye on that subject either). Still, during those two years, he adored me. When my relationship with my ex fell apart, he came into the picture; he would start coming over my house all the time, and he was surprisingly charming! This didn’t last more than a couple of months though…
After being with him for about 2-3 months, the fighting began! We fought about EVERYTHING. I cannot believe we made it through that, and it is mind-boggling to me whenever I think about it. I think we almost needed it; our lives were kind of boring, and I think he started to resent me because I was boring a lot of the time. He wanted to go out and party with his friends, and I wanted to stay in and have a few drinks alone. That is how we were. Nevertheless, he didn’t want me to leave, and I was becoming comfortable with how things were. Yes, we broke up and got back together every other week, but we were never serious about it, no matter good we were at acting!
The fighting was ridiculous. I can’t count how many times one of us would be driving on the highway and the other would demand to be let out on the side of the road, and the driver would have to follow the other one in the breakdown lane and persuade the other to get back in the car. He was arrested once because we had been drinking at a bar, and we were arguing about something stupid in the car, and at around 1:00 am, we were on the way home. I was driving, and I stopped at a red light. Well, he decided to get out of the car all of a sudden and punch the windshield, cracking it, and walked away. I pulled over on the side of the road, waiting for his dumb ass to come back, and a cop came up behind me. They found him walking through a parking lot, and the rest is self-explanatory. (I just want to make it clear that he has never hurt me physically, just thrown a lot of stupid little temper tantrums).
After a couple of years of this (somewhere between the arguing and the head games), we got engaged. I had always wanted to be married (I was engaged to the other man when I met him in my previous relationship) and he detested the idea of marriage. I’m pretty sure his mother convinced him to propose to me. We didn’t get married for several more years, but we had been living together all this time. After I found out I was pregnant, we started to calm down quite a bit with the fighting. It was almost like it happened naturally. We had our son in 2006, and didn’t get married until 2010.
So here we are; my son is 7, my husband and I have been together for over 10 years (married for 3) and we are just one happy family. Except for when my husband makes me want to pull my hair out. We don’t fight the way we used to, but I can’t say that he has matured much over the years. We definitely have a love-hate relationship. Each of us knows how the other is; I know how to read him like a book. He drives me friggin CRAZY sometimes! One major pet peeve of mine is when he is obnoxiously facetious, and will not come out and tell me what the problem is (which is MOST of the time!) He constantly expects me to be a mind-reader, and if I get it wrong, then he is a butthole for the rest of the day. It can be about anything. On a small scale, we have a weekly issue over what restaurant we eat at on our family night. He won’t give me his input; he says “no, you pick the restaurant” and if I don’t, he gets all upset. Then AFTER we eat, he drops little hints about how he hated it and how it was a bad idea on my part. This is how he is about the big issues, too. For instance, if we decide to move, it’s up to ME to choose a new place. He “doesn’t care”, but after a year or so, he will say “I hate this place”.
This blog will explain precise situations, which is good because that way I can go back and point out some of the stupid or rude things he says or does, as it is so often the case that I will say “you always do this” or “you are always contradicting yourself, you hypocrite” and he will say “oh, well give me an example” and of course I can never come up with one on the spot! HA!! So thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you have two cents to give, please don’t think twice about throwing it in!